That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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