Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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