covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
