Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
