I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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