Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just pee around me
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
