Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
