Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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