I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
