i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
