break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
