Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
