after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
