dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
