so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
