16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
