I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
