So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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