So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
