I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
FUCK WHALES
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
