I don't remember. Are we still dating?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
