can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
