3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
