My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
