Sponge bath it is.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
