Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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