You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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