that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize