Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I need a burrito and a hug.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize