"it" just moved
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
