i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
