ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
