You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize