i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
