I want to have your abortion
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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