she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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