I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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