what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
