I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I supernannyed him into submission
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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