An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
