I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
