Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
