Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
