I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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