If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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