Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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