If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize