a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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