What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
