I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
