How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
