I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
