wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
