Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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