Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
