Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
