vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I love you.
Bad choice
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
