My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
