i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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