He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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