i barfeds in our rink
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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