The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
