I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
