people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
