you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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